Everyone needs an Aunt Lorraine. Born on 111222 as she liked to say, she’s been on my mind for several days, and I’m celebrating her 94th birthday as I write this, though she “stepped out” several years ago (her expression).
She was the picture of hard work, waking every day at 5:00AM; self-sufficiency, who held herself accountable to high standards; and perseverance, as she quietly fought gender issues in the late 40’s and early 50’s while in med school and early in her career. She relied on her Christian faith, and dutifully studied not only the Bible, but knew that a wise person was also familiar with the beliefs and teachings of other faiths. How could she understand others if she didn’t take the time to personally know their core values, especially when they moved into the neighborhood? She certainly wasn’t going to depend on the media for that. But above all else, it was her compassion that set her apart from anyone I’ll ever know, and she was the first to give help, never questioning nor judging.
I didn’t know her well as I was growing up. While my father, her older brother, moved his family west from their Milwaukee home to western Wisconsin, she moved east to Detroit to continue her medical education and begin her practice. Consequently, our paths only crossed once or twice a year on holidays. But when both of my parents got sick with cancer within months of each other, she became our medical translator, and it was Aunt Lorraine who called me to give me my father’s diagnosis. Our bond strengthened from that point on.
I lost my mom when I was 26, less than a year later, my dad, and at the end of the next year, I was caught up in the great recession of 1982 and lost my teaching job. With all three of my older siblings settled, and my refusal to grow up, I was floundering. So while I should have been looking for a job, I traveled to England and Scotland and spent a month rediscovering fun. I have never regretted that trip.
At Aunt Lorraine’s invitation, I joined her in Detroit and began my life as a Michiganian. I’ve always considered what a blessing it was that my parents nurtured my personal development for the first 26 years, before they passed me on to her for the next 30 years. Even though most of my peers had begun the next chapter of their lives through marriage and starting their own families, they continued to turn to their folks, or another trusted adult, for advice or consultation as they wrestled with relationships, parenting, careers, or major life decisions. And that’s the role she played in my life, cheering me along the way.
So the point of all of this? Everyone needs an Aunt Lorraine, but more importantly, everyone needs to be an Aunt Lorraine. It’s not her words that I remember, but how she lived her life, and I am so grateful for that. Hard work, self-sufficiency, perseverance, faith and compassion. I fear her effort to impart each of these qualities on me fell short, but thinking of her has been calming for me lately.
What we model to others leaves a more lasting message than what we say. As I wrap up this week, I am more mindful of this lesson and wonder what I’ve been teaching? Happy Birthday, Aunt Lorraine. You gave me a great gift.
“……but how she lived her life.” Yes, we all must pause and remind ourselves of this….thanks Pam for another great piece of writing.
Thank you.
Good words to live by indeed. Especially poignant and significant for me as I commence my 81st year, having also celebrated an 11/12 birthday. Thanks Pam ,
Well, Happy Birthday! Thank you for reading and finding a connection.
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
Thanks, Pam, for causing me to think about my Aunt Mae, my mother’s sister. Almost every large Irish family had an aunt who never married and was the designated “family caregiver” as we would say in these times. Mae had some health issues early in life involving her heart and sensitivity to various medicines. She avoided doctors and medicine at all cost. We never called her a “spinster” or “old maid” or any such terms. She decided early on that her health was the reason she was “not strong enough” for marriage and parenting. Actually, I think my grandfather anointed her to be the one to care for our grandparents in their old age, to help out when new babies arrived and, most importantly, to love all her nieces and nephews with unconditional love. No matter what we did, no matter how bad we felt, no matter how angry our parents were with our adolescent decisions, Aunt Mae thought we were just wonderful. Aunt Mae had each one of us convinced that we were her favorite, that we were special. She thought we were OK just the way we were.
Miss Connelly (as the rest of the world called her) was a librarian for the Chicago Public Schools for forty some years but every summer she went “home” to Wisconsin to be with her parents as chief cook, baker, gardener, host for family reunions and the list could go on. She was a Chicago Democrat to the core of her being. Some of my best memories are watching every minute of the conventions those summers before elections. We had no doubt about her political leanings. Even today I think…what would Mae be saying now……..
Here’s to the aunts of the world including yours and mine. Cheers.
What a beautiful story and thanks for sharing. That your Aunt Mae made each of you feel as if you were her favorite – now that’s special.
During the short time I know you, I would say she definitely lives in you.
Wonderful article. Thank you for sharing!
Oh my goodness, that is so touching. Thank you.
I was lucky enough to have TWO “Aunt Lorraines.” My Aunt Kathleen and Aunt Marie were my father’s sisters, and I’m named after both of them. Kathleen was a school librarian and Marie a teacher, so after my father died when I was six, their summers were dedicated to ME. Well, if truth be told, probably they were dedicated to giving my mother a break from ME. Anyway . . . they lived in Kenosha for most of my memory, and I would go and spend weeks at a time in their apartment. They were strong independent women. Our escapades in Milwaukee and Chicago were the stuff of family legend. Thanks for sharing your Aunt Lorraine with us.
Wow – weren’t you lucky! Sounds like fabulous memories. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Always love hearing from you.
“What we model to others leaves a more lasting message than what we say.” I wholeheartedly agree.
Thanks for this touching tribute to your wise aunt who embodied the sort of strength and values which inspire others to be their best. We need more like her.
Indeed we do, thank you. And it’s my own personal call to action. Appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment.
I had my Aunt Roselle. Although only 12 years older she taught me to be a finisher in all things. My downfall until then. My fondest memories were spending my teen years on her farm. Up at five to churn the milk and feed the calves, housework, work in the garden. But at four we always took a break to pick wild flowers or whatever. She was my big sister and my best friend until she past in her eighthies.
“She taught me to be a finisher…” Excellent! Thanks for the comment, Kay.
I believe the company we keep is a reflection on our self also. Separately, there is a bit of a sermon in your writing here 🙂
I agree on both accounts. I’ve said I wouldn’t make this political, but a bit of a sermon? Maybe that’s ok.
Wow, after reading my sisters blog I had to take a break to wipe away the tears. Aunt Lorraine was so special to all her 7 nieces and nephews. Cousin Steve even followed in her footsteps and became a doctor. The rest of us followed her, as best we could, in her other great character traits. Sometimes she could just be a character, funny, singing silly songs, etc. We, as a family, were truly blessed.
I know some, or perhaps all of the aunts you others wrote of have probably stepped out now too I hope you all had time to talk with your beloved aunts about your family stories/history. If not, please take the time to write about your aunt(s) now. No one can afford to lose these precious memories. Others, in the future, need to know about these special women.
Thank you. And we all need to learn to be more like them in many ways.
Pam and Judy, what a special tribute to such a great person. I really only had two physicians who inspired me to pursue medicine. One was Shirley’s oncologist and aunt Lorraine, of course, is the second. Really admired her! I think of her often – almost every night she is remembered in my prayers but also as a model of compassion when dealing with difficult situations or patients. But more than this, her humility during the last year of her life serves as an induring inspiration to me! Yes, every one should have an Aunt Lorraine in their lives. And would add that we should all try to be more like our Aunt Lorraine.
I just read your recent post and found myself thinking about all the “aunts”in my growing up years. Your story and others comments were thought provoking. Thank you.