Recently, I grilled some romaine lettuce. You see, I’ve been watching too many Food Network Shows, and decided it was time to overcomplicate my dinner. While I grilled the romaine, and then gagged it down, I asked myself, who the heck comes up with these ideas? And then I figured it out…
Five celebrity TV chefs walked into a bar. Billy Bob, the leader of the grill said, “I have a new drinking game I want to play. The game is called ‘Who can top this’, and the object is to make up a new way to prepare a food we’re all familiar with. If we think that the American people will actually try it, we drink a shot. Who’s in?”
They looked at each other with great glee while rubbing their hands together, and asked the bar tender to line up shot glasses.
Chef #1 was the first to raise her hand, her smile almost sliding off her face. “Oh let me, let me. I say we cut up some watermelon, then chiffonade some basil for the top, drizzle with olive oil and finish with cracked pepper.”
They laughed heartily. “Of course. All we have to do is use a French term,” and they drank the first shot.
Chef #2 was next. “Oh no, I’ve got one better than that. Let’s combine sliced strawberries and beets with a little red onion and balsamic, and call it a salad.”
“Perfect. They’ll be able to include it as both a fruit and a vegetable on their diet plans,” and they drank their next shot.
“If you think that’s a good one, I’m going to take the bacon I typically put on a burger, and crumble it on top of a donut,” said Chef #3. “Try topping that,” and they all motioned the bartender for another round.
Well, Chef #4 wasn’t going to be out done. “This is what I want to try. The next time I make tiramisu, instead of dipping the lady fingers in rum expresso, I’m going to dip them in beer.”
By this time, the chefs were laughing uncontrollably as they downed their fourth shot, knowing their public would be willing to try almost anything if they said it was good. They finally turned to Billy Bob and said “Okay Grill King, top those ideas.”
“I’ve got just the winner, and I predict, before we know it, we’ll find people actually trying this at home. I’m going to actually serve it in my restaurants.”
There was a long pause.
“No one can top this. We’re going to grill romaine lettuce.”
Silence, and that was the end of the game. They turned their glasses over and agreed, no one could top that for the best worst new food idea. And further, no one would try that, but Billy Bob convinced them, and they drank one last shot.
I’m convinced that this is how these concoctions are derived. Some of them are good. I love the watermelon mentioned above as well as the strawberry beet salad. And there are others – like the Fluffernutter (peanut butter and marshmallow cream sandwich) I had at my cousin’s home when I was a kid, or the root beer my family uses when they make pulled pork. But grilled romaine? That’s just wrong, as they say.
Note: The attributions to each of the fictional chefs are totally made up. Except Chef #4. She made beeramisu a couple of weeks ago the Father’s Day edition of Farm House Rules
Love it! Steph watches the Food Network almost exclusively….and I always tease her about her kitchen “concoctions!” (And I must admit, I was so glad that marshmallow was spelled correctly.) LOL
Some of us can never cook something plain and simple – we have to leave our own mark, and hence, we can never duplicate anything! Steph and I could be friends. Thanks for visiting my site, and spell checking – I’ll remember that in the future.
Grilled the romaine once, then added it to my Never Again Recipes List. I do have friends who gave it two thumbs up. “Blecch”, I say!
Now, tossing out outrageous food ideas with a gaggle of shot-tossing chefs- that DOES sound appealing!
Wouldn’t that be fun to hang with some of them? They are a wildly creative bunch and I like that. I’m tempted to try the grilled romaine again and dress it up more and then I say, why? Thanks for the comment.
The beer in toramisu made me laugh. Sounds like it would taste horrible, what does hearing have to do with taste! Margaret
What a great question! It’s our perceptions and a comment on how we use our senses when we eat. It’s like blue foods – nope, except for blueberries, I can’t imagine it. Thanks for visiting the site and taking the time to comment.
I have never tried grilled romaine; however, I can tell you that grilled cabbage steaks are very good!!!
You know, I’ve heard about those and I think, it’s time I give them a try. Thanks and thanks for visiting and taking the time to comment.
We need to head back to Japan. Yakitori anyone?
“Just so you know, that chicken will be raw.” What! The beer was sure good. What a fun memory. Thanks for visiting my site and taking the time to comment.
Being the one sibling in the family who doesn’t cook, I don’t watch any cooking shows. The grilled cabbage sounds pretty good. We do have a grill. Judy
I like your presentation of the subject, very clever.
Thanks for the kind comment, and guess what? I’m going to try the grilled cabbage as well. Seriously, about the beeramisu – I keep asking myself, why would you waste a good beer?
I have also had the Grilled Romaine made by my daughter in law and wondered why? It wasn’t horrible made into a Caesar Salad with other salad stuff but just why? Clever idea Pam!
You’re right – cut up with a thousand calories of other good stuff – maybe that’s the ticket! Thanks for taking to time to read and comment – I really appreciate it.
#4 is really true? I love beer but that sounds dreadful. I have to admit to trying a donut with bacon on top at a shop in Sanibel. It was so awesome. It’s got the salty/sweet kind of thing going on which is so decadent. Loved your post.
It is absolutely true! I was watching Farmhouse Rules on the Saturday of Father’s Day weekend and watched her make it. Then I looked it up online just to be sure, because I wasn’t sure I trusted myself. Yes, I’ve tried a donut topped with bacon as well, but it wasn’t for me, though I’d take it over grilled romaine! Glad you liked the post and thanks for the comment.